BY THE GRACE OF GOD I WILL STAND

 

Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, and whose hope is the LORD.

 

Jeremiah, 17:7

 

 

Dear Friends, Brothers & Sisters in Christ:

 

2013 would have to go on record as one of the most painful and trying years of my life. The year ended with unprecedented and unexpected losses of nearly all of my possessions, which I had previously been able to hold on to, despite being generally impoverished; as well as losing my home and being uprooted from a place I love, southern coastal Maine, where I had lived for more than a decade. During the past year I have had to endure extreme hardships, including deprivation of the most basic necessities, as well as a number of acute illnesses and injuries (aside from the chronic illnesses and disabilities) from which I could not get relief, since I could not afford medical care.

 

To add to my distress, some among those closest to me, from whom I had thought I had a reasonable expectation of support (material and/or otherwise) abandoned me, even though they were well aware of the dire circumstances which threatened my very survival.

 

But before I go further, I should state that I write this not as a 'sob story' for the purposes of seeking sympathy, but rather as my testimony, as documentation for the public record. As any genuine whistleblower can attest (and have done, including my friends/colleagues), persecution is to be expected when one stands up for the truth, and against evil, in its many forms. And as any true Christian knows, spiritual warfare is a fact of daily life that cannot be avoided in our duty to 'resist the devil', and our dedication to destroying the works of the enemy. The Christian life is by definition and necessity a battlefield. Anyone who believes otherwise would be hard pressed to understand what is documented here, or my reasons for doing so.

 

Be that as it may, as is all that is published on this website, it is for information purposes only, and the readers, as always, may make of it what they will.

 

In the last of many private consultations/prayer meetings with the Priest of my church in Maine (of which I had been a member for nearly 5 years), who had been made privy over the course of that time to much information about my personal/professional background and history, and in whom I had confided my most private sorrows, he said, Lord God Almighty, Your servant, Barbara, has suffered grievous harm and injustices, has been deprived of the support she needs, and now she is left with only You.

 

(I find it important to mention that from 2009, the Priest of my church has been a trustworthy and loyal friend and supporter to me, as he is to all members of the congregation. He listened without judgment, never presumed to give advice unless asked (he was one of only a few persons from whom I solicited advice) and was always there for me when I needed assistance of any kind. True, the church lacked the material resources to assist parishioners beyond certain limits, but all that was in his power to do, he did, graciously, in the spirit of the "cheerful giver". As I told him when I last saw him, I will always be a member of this church, no matter where I may be, even if I can't attend services. This was the church (Episcopal) where I was 'confirmed in Christ', at age 60 (in November 2011) by my choice, after much prayer and reflection, though I had been baptized as an infant in the Eatern Orthodox Church and ordained as a Christian minister in the Universalist church in 1979, a church from which I have long since severed ties. Having come to believe that there is only one Church of Jesus Christ, from antiquity (irrespective of denomination) I have remained a Christian minister and as such I will continue to serve God, as I have been called to do, all the days of my life.)  

 

"Only You". I was struck with a realization of the truth of the Priest's words. And I was reminded then, even in the midst of my state of great distress, who else could I possibly ever rely on? Who else could I ever count on to provide for my material needs? Who else could deliver me from the snares set by my enemies? Who else could heal a broken heart?

 

It had always been the Lord God Almighty who answered my prayers, saved me numerous times by divine intervention, sent His Angels to lift me up lest I dash my foot against a stone (and far worse), gave me the armor to stand in the day of evil, gave me the courage to refuse to compromise with the wicked and unjust schemes of Satan and his minions. All glory and praise to the Lord!

 

For many years I had been a silent witness to the events and circumstances in the lives of friends, acquaintances, colleagues and my own relatives. Based on my observations, most everyone I knew had at least some sort of support system, materially (income from some form of employment, social security, disability benefits, retirement/pension, inter alia) and by virtue of the concern, loyalty and reliability of close friends and/or family and/or a spouse or partner. If they became ill, they were able to get medical care. If they fell on hard times, there was at least someone to share and to help them bear the hardships, if not to come to the rescue with material assistance.

 

I had never been so fortunate, being alone and without anyone I could rely on for any form of support, material or otherwise. Firstly, disability prevented me from being employed at any 'regular' job, as I could not be reliable to travel to and from a work place, meet deadlines or perform duties. I was not directly compensated for my work as a journalist, a Christian minister, a consultant/analyst. I was supported in my work only by donations from the general public, those who found value in my work and/or out of concern for me personally, who made their contributions as Christian charity or love gifts. And sadly, donations have for the most part dropped off, as a result of the massive libel campaign run by my enemies. (Just put my name in a search engine, for instant evidence of same.)

 

Over a period of many years, most of the support I had ever received from family or friends was conditional and/or temporary and/or based on the false or misguided notions of the "supporter"--for example, that their support "bought" them the right to meddle in my personal/professional business, to aggressively dispense unsolicited advice, to foist upon me their own subjective standards/viewpoints or even issue edicts/ultimatums on which their support depended. Such attitudes do not respect my spiritual integrity, my rights to privacy or my clearly-established personal boundaries.

 

Of course, these attitudes reflect the 'ways of the world', the 'ways of men', worldly values, a secular humanist ideology and belief system, rather than God's eternal and steadfast laws, moral absolutes, Christian principles based on the Gospel of Jesus Christ. People are certainly entitled to believe and to live as they see fit, but it is wrongful for them to attempt to force those beliefs on others. Therein lies the whole spectrum of of behaviors which trample on the God-given rights and liberties of the Individual, which I fiercely defend, as I always will. And therein lies the problem with a government which, rather than being "bound by the chains of the Constitution" (Thomas Jefferson), has overstepped its bounds in so many ways that it bears no resemblance to the Constitutional Republic, under the Rule of Law, established by the founders, a government of the people, by the people and for the people. 

 

The painful reality of my life was that I had never had anyone (no human being) I could rely on for anything; that no one among family or friends had ever demonstrated the sort of absolute loyalty, or cared enough ("enough" being the operative word) to make a priority of my well-being, even my survival.

 

Though I had been forced to deal with these circumstances over decades, I can't remember a time when this was demonstrated more clearly than over the past year of 2013. Especially, being surrounded by people (some of whom were friends or relatives and some virtual strangers) who simply "do not understand". I enclose these words in quotes because they define most of the problems I have encountered, at least where other people are concerned.

 

While seeking help in trying to survive some very dire circumstances, I have been criticized, harassed, falsely accused, shouted at, treated with great disrespect, even in some cases abusively, all because I stood my ground and refused to make compromises; because I refused offers of "help" which were highly inappropriate, or which would have compromised my security or endangered my safety. Because, to the best of my ability, I trusted in God to deliver me and had faith in His guidance through the Holy Spirit, which has never steered me into the wrong path.

 

And although I was (technically) "homeless" from late November until the end of December, as terrible as it was, I was never "in the street", though it was a close call, so close that it would have been a matter of hours, not days. By the grace of God, help arrived literally at the last minute. 

 

And no matter what any misguided person tried to tell me, I know I would not have survived real homelessness, not even for a day. True, some have survived it, but I am not one who could have done, something I know in my heart. Nor (as some had the poor judgment to suggest) would I ever abandon my precious feline companion, Kyra, the one "person" who has always been there for me, and with me, for the past fourteen years. Some would say, she is "just a cat". No, to me she is someone I love, whom I would defend and protect, no matter what.

 

As for the good news, there isn't much to report. Except to say that by the grace of God, I am now in a safe, peaceful place, where God willing, I will be able to stay for the forseeable future.

 

And that this year, January 1, 2014, marks the twentieth anniversary of my escape from CIA, in 1994. And though I had no one with whom to celebrate my freedom, I spent New Year's Day in prayers of thanksgiving to God, whose promise of liberty to the captives was fulfilled in my life in a most amazing way.

 

I still do not have anyone (no human being) that I can rely on, or upon whose loyalty I can depend. I still have no reliable source of material support and so suffer deprivation. I still suffer from illness and disability for which I have not been able to get relief.

 

But I intend to do all in my power to change that, and by the grace of God, I will stand.

 

Barbara Hartwell Percival

January 24, 2014

 

NOTE: For those who would like to make a donation, in the spirit of Christian charity or love gifts, because you place value on my work and/or simply because you care, I have arranged for postal mail to be forwarded to my new address.

 

Thank you for your consideration, and may the peace, the love and the grace of God be with you.

 

Give ear to my prayer, O God,
And do not hide Yourself from my supplication. 

Attend to me, and hear me; I am restless in my complaint, and moan noisily, Because of the voice of the enemy,
Because of the oppression of the wicked;
For they bring down trouble upon me,
And in wrath they hate me.

My heart is severely pained within me,
And the terrors of death have fallen upon me. Fearfulness and trembling have come upon me,
And horror has overwhelmed me. So I said, “Oh, that I had wings like a dove!
I would fly away and be at rest.Indeed, I would wander far off,
And remain in the wilderness. Selah I would hasten my escape
From the windy storm and tempest.”

Destroy, O Lord, and divide their tongues,
For I have seen violence and strife in the city. Day and night they go around it on its walls; 

Iniquity and trouble are also in the midst of it. Destruction is in its midst;
Oppression and deceit do not depart from its streets.

For it is not an enemy who reproaches me;
Then I could bear it.
Nor is it one who hates me who has exalted himself against me;
Then I could hide from him. But it was you, a man my equal,
My companion and my acquaintance.We took sweet counsel together,
And walked to the house of God in the throng.

Let death seize them;
Let them go down alive into hell,
For wickedness is in their dwellings and among them.

As for me, I will call upon God,
And the Lord shall save me.Evening and morning and at noon
I will pray, and cry aloud,
And He shall hear my voice.He has redeemed my soul in peace from the battle that was against me,
For there were many against me. God will hear, and afflict them,
Even He who abides from of old. Selah
Because they do not change,
Therefore they do not fear God.

He has put forth his hands against those who were at peace with him;
He has broken his covenant.The words of his mouth were smoother than butter,
But war was in his heart;
His words were softer than oil,
Yet they were drawn swords.

Cast your burden on the Lord,
And He shall sustain you;
He shall never permit the righteous to be moved.

But You, O God, shall bring them down to the pit of destruction;
Bloodthirsty and deceitful men shall not live out half their days;
But I will trust in You.

 

Psalm 55