For Defying and Exposing the Evil of Government
Note: This affidavit was written in July 2005. Due to the latest destruction of my computer hard drive by government saboteurs and hackers; and the fact that my website (Barbara Hartwell.Com) has been offline for over two (2) years, I am in the process of collecting and reposting my archives (1995-2004) from the old site, as well as many reports which have been published elsewhere on the Internet.
For this reason, most of the reports you will find on this site are not current, though they are listed in the archives section here by the month in which they are posted. Due to the limitations of this blog format, it is not possible to organize the material in chronological order, in archives, as I would normally do. However, each report is dated at the bottom of the page, with my signature. Since the purpose of my reports is to document and expose crimes by government operatives and their minions (many of which have been perpetrated against me, my family and friends) I find it important to date all material which I publish.
At present, I don't have the resources, funding or support to get a "real" website back online, though I hope to in future. For now, this will have to do. It's free, and I don't need a webmaster (just a little help now and then from friends who know far more than I do about computers and web design.)
November 16, 2006
To Whom It May Concern:
This is my affidavit, my testimony for the public record, given on this day, July 31, 2005 (some of which was previously written between October 2004-- January 2005) presenting some facts which I now find it necessary to outline here.
Other than this written testimony, I have decided it is in my best interests to take a "vow of silence" (at least partially, in personal communications, for an undetermined time) as attempting to speak to individuals about the issues covered here has been in large measure an exercise in futility, as most people simply do not understand; are not listening and/or do not seem to care. I have reached the limits of my endurance with "talking". Trying to discuss these issues only exacerbates cumulative traumatic stress which I no longer have the wherewithal to withstand, due to extreme and worsening hardship in my personal circumstances.
Unfortunately, though I have made my best efforts at outlining these facts to various persons among my family and friends, judging by their responses (or lack thereof) to me I have yet to be able to "get through" to most of them what the actual nature of my situation is.
To sum it up: The unconstitutional and illegal government of the United States of America (with the assistance and collusion of their agents, operatives, officials, cohorts, hirelings and minions) through their criminal conspiracies, for all intents and purposes has "destroyed" my life. They have driven me into a state of dire poverty and financial destitution; they have wrecked my health to the point where I have been diagnosed 100% disabled (2003) by a medical doctor specializing in and qualified as an expert witness in "Legal Abuse Syndrome".
[For those who have not heard of Legal Abuse Syndrome, it means that the quality of a person's life (including their health) has been seriously compromised and/or damaged/destroyed by corruption in the courts; and/or violations of a person's God-given (natural) unalienable Constitutionally protected and guaranteed rights by government entities/agencies/bureaucracies.]
These criminals, sanctioned and paid by the government, have inflicted excessive damages (some of which are irreparable); some in the form of physical disabilities and serious chronic illnesses; and in severe emotional distress and psychological pain and suffering. In short, the cumulative and continuing persecution of these criminals may well drive me to an untimely death (barring a miracle from God) and from what I am able to ascertain, the help I would need to prevent this will not be forthcoming --at least not from any source I am currently aware of. It's called Death by Government (if you don't believe in that, read the book of that title by R.J. Rummel.) Many, many others have already been murdered by the sinister hand of it.
At this time (and for quite some time past) I have no relative or friend whom I can rely on for the assistance I need, even in the case of an emergency. The massive damages done by the government have set the groundwork for my demise. Attempting to survive day by day, while protecting myself, as best I can, from continuing persecution and defending my God-given rights, demands most of my time and energy. But it seems that the fact that I must face this alone with no backup, and that I am unable to get the material assistance I need is what will finish it. Which as far as I can see, and knowing precisely how these criminals operate, is just the way they planned it.
I offer this testimony for the public record, as well as for my family and friends. I will not allow any "gag orders" to be placed on me regarding the real nature of my circumstances so that "polite society" will not have to face the truth about what the government has done to me; though it seems that is what certain people expect of me. I will not pretend that things are "fine"; or that I am "well" or "doing well". I will not become a part of the cover-ups certain people seem to feel the need for, regarding my own situation, past or present, or of my background. I refuse to be complicit in any such coverups, lies or lies by omission. So, if people do not really want the truth, they should not ask. For those who would prefer to remain in their state of denial, they might not want to bother reading this affidavit.
I am not looking for sympathy. Sympathy is useless to me. I am not asking for assistance of any kind. I have given up on that, as for the most part the type of assistance I need does not come. Or it comes with a price I can no longer pay. As for what I have received, it usually comes with conditions attatched; a hidden agenda; interrogations; attempts at "control", meddling/interference; or lack of respect for my privacy and personal boundaries. People have often tried to blame me for circumstances beyond my control; tried to tell me what I "should have" or "could have" done (usually involving a compromise of my principles/compromises with evildoers .) People have made false assumptions about what is "possible" for me or what I am "capable" of; or have jumped to wild and unsubstantiated conclusions, usually based on their lack of information about my "case".
I have already been subjected to these insults and indignities (and much worse) for many years by the government. I refused to tolerate them in the past (which is why I became a target of persecution) and refuse to tolerate any more of them in my personal life. I also refuse to compromise my principles for anyone or for any reason. If people see me as "stubborn"; as "extremist" or as a "dangerous revolutionary" so be it. I may be all of those things, but what I choose to be is my prerogative. I refuse to accept assistance, financial or otherwise, if it is not not given freely, with no strings, no conditions attatched. On the other hand, I don't let pride stand in the way of accepting help when it is given in a spirit of "Christian charity" or "love gifts". I have always welcomed such assistance with gratitude. By the same token, any assistance offered by me to others has always been given freely and unconditionally.
I also find it important to state that I am not seeking unsolicited advice or counsel of any kind, nor do I need it. I know precisely what my situation is; why it has come about; why it has reached these drastic proportions. I am a target of government persecution, plain and simple. I do not see myself as a "victim" since I have never allowed myself to be victimized, not without fighting back with everything I have. And I will continue to do so until God sees fit to send the chariot to take me home.
I am simply stating the facts and offering the truth for the consideration of all and sundry, which I can only hope will set the record straight, once and for all. I offer the opportunity to understand for those who wish to understand. For those with ears to hear. That is where my efforts will end, as I do not have the power to make anyone understand and refuse to engage in useless arguments. I am not "on trial" (though I have often been treated as if I were) and not required to explain or justify myself to anyone. I believe in moral absolutes and I answer to no one but God. Only God knows what is in my heart, no person can truthfully make that claim.
I have chosen to make this updated personal testimony public for two reasons:
1) To serve as a record should my untimely demise occur, in the hope that someone may wish to file a wrongful death lawsuit against the perpetrators. My interest is simply that some degree of justice may be done, if even only to expose the evildoers and hold them accountable for their crimes.
2) So that anyone having any level of interest in the situation may know the truth and the facts, directly from me, while I still have the ability to document them, rather than from the plethora of disinformation being publicly disseminated by my adversaries, all of whom are malicious liars, bearing false witness against me; or the gossip/rumor/reports of those who are misinformed or those operating on uninformed conjecture; or in denial of the truth.
What strangers, the general public or my enemies think or believe about these facts does not concern me. As for my family and friends, it is not in my power to change their various perspectives; nor to alter any beliefs they may hold. I only know that most of them do not understand. They may believe what they will; they may assess, analyze or judge as they will. They may care or not, as they will, to what extent they will. That will not change the facts or the circumstances outlined here. And since my efforts to offer factual information which might lead to understanding have thus far, for the most part, failed, there is nothing left for me to say, except that which is written here. They may make of it what they will. They may refer to this testimony for any questions they may have, as I intend no further personal discussions of these matters, at least not for the forseeable future.
No amount of money could ever compensate me for the lifetime of heinous abuses and atrocities, the transgressions and violations these evildoers in the government have committed against me. I have, to date, found no legitimate person(s) willing to assist me in attempting to file personal lawsuits against these criminals. Yet, I have a solid case against them, based on facts, replete with evidence, for which if justice were to prevail in the court system, I would undoubtedly be awarded billions of dollars in damages. That is, in civil lawsuits.
The truth is, these criminals (the ones still alive) should also be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. And I speak here only of their crimes against me personally. This affidavit is only about my personal situation. It is not meant as a general overview on political persecution in America, nor as a commentary on government crimes and corruption. It is meant only to provide information about the abuses I have been subjected to and the consequences and damages to me as a result of those abuses. And yet, for those with eyes to see or ears to hear, it may be thought-provoking as to the actual nature of the tyranny and callous disregard for human rights, and even human life, that is operating in this country. I am only one person and this is my true story as one who has been caught in the crosshairs of government criminals. But perhaps some will recognize this story-line as being all too familiar; perhaps some of these things have happened to you or someone you love.
This affidavit is not meant to identify individual criminals in government or their cronies and minions. There will be others containing the names of these criminals, written as time permits. As well, various reports have already been written by me, some of which are available on the Internet.
My current situation is as follows:
I am 100% disabled by (including but not limited to) a serious (congenital) heart condition, worsened over time by various abuses, including traumatic stress; this heart ailment has been diagnosed as one which may be "cured" only by surgery. Fibromyalgia, diagnosed by several medical doctors and by one in particular as "the worst case" she had ever seen. This form of chronic illness is due to biological/chemical/electro-magnetic warfare deployed against me over a period of many years by the government. The illness bears similarities to "Gulf War Syndrome" and clinical trials have shown that it can be completely disabling/incapacitating in and of itself. Some doctors have called it the "mystery illness". No mystery to me, the government causes it with their various anti-personnel weaponry and related abuses.
Permanent blindness in one eye (since 1986) a result of a severe head trauma injury, caused by an "implant" jammed into the optic nerve in an "arranged" car crash. The optic nerve is nothing but a mass of scar tissue, behind my right eye. (I escaped death only by Divine Intervention. I prayed for help and let go of the steering wheel. My car was "steered by an unseen hand" and jammed between the only open space in the guard rail and was thus stopped from going over a precipice.) No surgery or medical cure is currently available to restore my vision; I have been told by neurologists and opthomologists that the blindness is permanent.
In this case, a "CIA attorney" (admitted to the bar in both New York and Washington D.C.) stepped in to handle the case, to be sure I could never receive the proper compensation due to me for the permanent damages from my insurance company. I got the minimal settlement to cover hospitalization and temporary medical care, nothing more.
Injuries to my neck/spine from several "arranged" car crashes, presumably meant to kill me.
Severe dental damages to and/or loss of the back teeth due to more implants from "CIA dentists". To date, restorations have cost many thousands of dollars (when I could afford them) and others are needed which I cannot afford.
I also suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD); a direct result again of severe recurring trauma and abuses inflicted upon me with willful and malicious intent by the government, beginning in childhood and continuing throughout my adult life. If you're wondering if PTSD is " for real", just ask some of the Viet Nam vets who enlisted in the military to serve their country in good faith and who now know they were "used and abused" (and mostly abandoned) by the government.
I have no health insurance. The government denies me any benefits, for which I am "not eligible", including disability, even though the government criminals are directly and solely responsible for the disabilities which make it impossible for me to be "employed" on any reliable schedule, even working for myself. Having no official employment history of any kind (much less for government black operations in which I was utilized for 25 years) I cannot even collect social security. That too has been denied to me.
I found out a few years ago, through a private investigator (former Secret Service) that my SSN was being used by another individual, a person I do not know. Recently, I was given information from a source who has access to the Homeland Security data base. My DHS file says I am "ex-CIA" and that I am self-employed as an "investigator". Both true, and yet CIA officially denies ANY former connection to me; and I make no money as an investigator. Nobody pays me for my work.
Perhaps the strangest thing of all: Now it turns out that not just one, but THREE other people are using my SSN. These are only a few of the many anomalies that exist in the government system regarding my history. But being a "ghost" in the system, I am "eligible" for nothing. Nothing that could help me survive, even by paying the most basic of living expenses. As for my real government "files" they are maximum classified and buried so deep almost no one has access to the information.
I have no source of "income". I have no pension (naturally.) I have no spouse and no family I can rely on for any form of support, financial or otherwise.
In the past, between 1997-2002, I received contributions from the public for my Legal Defense and Research Fund (now a common law trust) on a fairly regular basis from those who wished to support my work as a government whistleblower, investigator and activist for human and Constitutional rights. All such contributions have dried up over the past few years, due to the massive libel and slander campaigns being run against me by criminals (government and ex-government) and their hirelings and minions.
Some of these criminals are even making a brouhaha, all over the Internet and on radio and TV programs, threatening to sue me for "libel" because I exposed the truth about their crimes, human rights violations and other atrocities, which include illegal weapons-for-drugs deals; murder and attempted murder; and child sex slavery, prostitution and pornography. The perps in question claim to be "patriots" and "Christians". How many people, including innocent children, have they damaged for life, abused or murdered? It's hard to say, as most of the witnesses are dead.
The outrageous lies being disseminated about Barbara Hartwell (demonizing me and defaming my professional and personal reputation) appear to have convinced most people who might otherwise have offered donations that I am not worthy of their support, financial or otherwise. It has also caused others to withdraw their support or even to jump in and join the "lynch mob".
According to every doctor I have seen in the past ten years (including allopathic, naturopathic, homeopathic and ayurvedic physicians) I "should" be able to "retire on full disability benefits". But how can you "retire" when the entity who "employed" you officially denies any former connection to you, or knowledge of you?
My circumstances are now so far reduced that I must literally beg for alms from family and friends in order to survive. I have no other way to pay for basic living expenses. I must ration food and all other necessities. One tank of gas must last three (3) months, that is, for short local trips only. I cannot afford to make long distance calls unless I have a phone card (a rare occurrence and the time on cards must be rationed as well). I cannot afford medical care for the chronic illness and disability; and some of the time I am unable even to get naturopathic/herbal medicines from a health food store, which I need for my heart condition and other illness. By the same token, I cannot take proper care of my three cats, two of whom are elderly and require special care, which I can no longer provide. These animals are my "children", that is how I view them and how much I love them.
I have not left the state of Maine in over two (2) years, since I cannot afford to travel; cannot drive alone due to disability; and cannot afford catsitters. Even if I could afford airfare, I will never fly again by any commercial airline, not in this country or any other. I have refused to fly, on principle, since September 11, 2001. I refuse to allow these Homeland Gestapo, Transportation Security thugs to touch my person or search my bags. I already had more than enough of that, when I was repeatedly stopped at airports for what the security personnel claimed were "random searches" . No such thing, they had me flagged on their "terrorist" watch list for years, ever since I got out of their nefarious web in 1994.
Since that time, this country has become a de facto Police State. The Police State of America. Nobody could know that better than I. The ones who know as well as I, know for the same reason I know: From personal experience. They have been targeted for political persecution. The government has "reached out and touched them" up close and personal. They know that the government is comprised of criminals; they know who they are and what they are. They are pond scum.
I would not expect most people to care one way or another about my personal situation. Why should they? However, I am stunned at the apparent lack of concern by family and certain others whom I may once have considered close friends. It amazes me that they could see this happening (or be told that it is happening) and fail to offer the type of assistance which could make the difference between a reasonable quality of life and the death which has long been sought by my adversaries in the U.S. Government. There is no exaggeration here; no hyperbole; no frills. This is the brutal truth.
I have been a target of a "neutralization campaign" by the U.S. government for the past fifteen (15) years. It began roughly four (4) years before I was finally able to break away from the government's hold on me (1990) during which time (1990-94) they attempted to stop me from getting out; tried by various means to "re-recruit " me; tried to bribe me with offers they thought I would not refuse; and has continued ever since. This campaign, as a result of being deemed a "national security risk"; an "enemy of the state"; a "rogue operative"; a "high-profile subversive" and even a "terrorist" has included (but is not limited to) the following forms of violations, harassment and persecution:
1) Attempts on my life by various means, including (but not limited to): "arranged" car crashes; assaults by "non-lethal" directed-energy weapons; druggings and poisonings; set ups of various "accidents"; professional assassins sent after me who (obviously) failed in their missions.
2) Abductions, in which I was drugged, brought to a government facility and interrogated under "chemicals", like scapolomine or other "truth serum". "Sent to the moon", as they call it.
3) Military hardware deployed to harass me, including helicopters; fighter jets at treetop level (violating FAA regs) over a "safe house" where I had sought sanctuary ( September 1997, one month after a public appearance at a conference where I spoke about my case in front of a large audience in Denver, Colorado); "cropdusters" spraying noxious chemicals flying right above the roof of vehicles in which I was driving; and craft which I can only describe as "UFOs". Unidentified (at least by me) flying objects. Based on my own field investigations at black ops CIA/FBI/military bases, I have no doubt the pilots of these craft were government operatives.
4) Illegal surveillance on phones; "bugs" planted in my homes and hotel rooms; and by surveillance vans parked outside anyplace I was staying or even visiting. Tails while driving, usually by teams of government agents in radio contact. Bugs and taps have been identified and documented by a private investigator/countersurveillance expert, who later had a SWAT team (1994) with assault weapons break down his door while his wife was home alone, as "punishment" for him helping me collect evidence against them and a "warning" to "stay away from Barbara Hartwell". They falsely claimed a 911 "suicide" call was made and used the excuse to search the condominium. He was also subjected to other forms of criminal harassment. Many others who tried to help me over the years received similar treatment.
5) Reckless endangerment by vehicles while I was driving.
6) Stalking and extreme verbal abuse/taunting meant to provoke me into a violent response.
7) Invasions of my home (breaking and entering, "black bag jobs") by government agents for the purpose of installing surveillance devices/theft or destruction of my property, including documents. One of those stolen documents (just an example) was a copy of a formal directive signed by GHW Bush to "neutralize" Ross Perot, and which made it clear that this was to be done by "any means necessary" (read:assassination".)
The CIA operative (Gene "Chip" Tatum) who gave me the document refused to carry out the mission; he refused to assassinate an American citizen. He was told by Bush that he would be "toast" if he refused the mission. He too, was targeted and eventually did jail time of 2 years for "treason". He left the country in 1998 and warned me to leave as well, as I was considered "beyond salvage". Another way of saying they could not afford to let me live, as I was pursuing these criminals for what they did to me and my family. I told him I would not leave and they could "take their best shot".
8) Death threats. Intimidation tactics. Coercion. Government-sponsored terrorist tactics.
9) Unofficial "house arrest" set up for two years (1995-1997) in which circumstances were engineered (including loss of my home in Connecticut) so that I could not find a place to live other than two motels (one in Montogomery NY, one in Kingston, NY) where I was kept under 24/7 surveillance and hit with micro-wave/pulse beam weaponry. Some of the assaults with this weaponry affected my heart; knocked me unconscious; nearly killed me. During much of this time I had no transportation, as the perps had destroyed my vehicles. The motels were wired up with high-tech surveillance equipment and crawling with government agents and their war toys. During this time I had no weapons with which to defend myself.
10) Destruction/tampering and theft of my private property under "plausible deniability". Including six (6) cars and six (6) computers between 1994-2001.
11) Agent provocateurs and other government operatives planted on me to disrupt/destroy my professional/personal life/family relationships.
12) Libel and slander campaigns, on radio and Internet, comprised of outrageous lies meant to demonize/discredit/defame my personal and professional reputation and/or paint me as a "CIA disinfo agent", even a "CIA assassin".
13) Cyber-stalking and telephone harassment. Criminal harassment/aggravated harassment.
14) Privacy violations/compromising my security/endangering my safety with malice aforethought by publishing my private (unlisted) street address and private (unlisted) phone number on the Internet. This tactic is meant to solicit additional criminal harassment/stalking. Soliciting such crimes is a crime in and of itself. The government and their minions don't care, as they themselves are criminals.
15) The purposeful and malicious infliction of continuous or intermittent episodes of traumatic stress, meant to destabilize my life in every way, and in attempts to drive me into a total physical/emotional collapse or better yet, suicide.
16) Set ups for false arrests. Signing out "criminal complaints" against me for "inciting violence and terrorism". This, after I warned two CIA agents to leave my sister alone and exposed their criminal abuses and harassment. I said in a public report that I'd like to break down the door like the Commando from Hell, a One Woman SWAT Team. But that I would NOT do that, since I (unlike these criminals) am a law-abiding citizen. So, they called me a "terrorist". Wouldn't be the first time, wasn't the last. One of these CIA criminals has left the country and is now "hiding out" to avoid prosecution for his crimes against my sister.
Now, for those who think the government would not do these terrible things, these "unthinkable" things, you need to think again. You really need to think. You need to wake up. You need to learn, if you don't already know it, that the government is evil. Just evil, plain and simple. Evil, evil, evil. No two ways about it. That the operatives who would inflict such torture on a person are minions of Satan. And that those who would issue the directives for such torture are abominations to God.
Now, for those interested, this highly subjective and personal perspective may provide some insight into "a day in the life" of a targeted individual, namely Yours Truly, Barbara Hartwell. It is also important to me that this be documented as part of a public record: the circumstances under which I live; the reasons for these circumstances being directly connected to the political persecution and neutralization campaign I am targeted for.
It is important to say, as previously mentioned, that I am not telling these "sob stories" seeking sympathy from the public, nor from anyone else. And it is not as if no one knows of my circumstances. I have published many reports about the political persecution, over a period of at least ten years. I have done many radio interviews as well. I have told quite a few people, including family members and close friends, about the true nature of my situation, which is one of extreme hardship, complete isolation, financial destitution, chronic illness and disability, describing in some detail how dire my circumstances actually are and how my survival is under continual threat.
Unfortunately, I have thus far not been able to get the kind of reliable concrete help which could make a real difference, even to reduce the immediate hardship. It's easy for anyone to express their "support" or "sympathy". It costs nothing and does not require any action on the part of the "supporter". As everyone knows, talk is cheap. But few have even expressed the type of sincere concern which indicates that they really understand, much less care enough to take some action, however small, to provide any form of material assistance.
As has been the case for many years, it appears that most of those among my friends and family are primarily looking out for themselves. They have their own lives, their own problems and their own priorities. I don't necessarily fault them for this, as people are free to make their own choices and for their own reasons. And frankly, I'd rather not accept help if it is given only from a feeling of obligation. By my way of thinking, there is no one on this earth who should feel "obligated" on my account --except perhaps the government-sponsored criminals who have persecuted me. They should feel obligated to make amends, but then, this is the real world and that's not going to happen. Any "amends" they may make will be of a forced nature. Something I'd love to see happen, but don't expect.
I have had no choice but to accept the fact that the help I need is not available to me, at least not from anyone I currently know and at least not at this time. So I see no reason to discuss it further with anyone personally. They know the deal, they know the score --if they care enough, maybe they will find a way to do something. Talking about it doesn't help at all, and serves no purpose, especially when the concrete help I need is not forthcoming. So as I mentioned, I've taken a "vow of silence" unless it pertains to public exposure or legal matters I must address. Instead, I present this information in writing, for the record. And for what it's worth, as God is my witness, my testimony is the unvarnished truth.
Here are just a couple of examples which show what I am forced to deal with on a regular basis because of poverty inflicted on me by the machinations of the government.
On January 22, 2005, I woke up (after another night of electronic torture and sleep deprivation which went on for most of the winter) and found that the water pipes had frozen overnight, due to subzero temperatures and inadequate insulation in the small cellar of my home, what was once a summer beach house (over 130 years old) winterized in 2003 to the extent my finances allowed. The contractor I hired for the job ripped me off and did not finish the insulation of the cellar properly, among other things, which drove up the electric heating bills, yet still allowed heat to escape through the cellar and the pipes to freeze. (The problem remains and has not been rectified, causing me to dread the coming winter of 2005-6.)
I was unable to leave the house for almost a week because I was snowed in. I am not able to shovel snow, nor dig out my vehicle, due to various disabilities, including back injuries (from the arranged car crashes the perps engineered) a serious heart condition and other chronic illness/disability. A few weeks later, I fell on a sheet of ice in the yard and injured my back again, which exacerbated the previous injuries. Again, it happened due to treacherous conditions, but as usual, I was unable to get help. There is no one I can call for help, as I have no friends or family living nearby and have no money put aside to hire help in emergencies, such as a plumber or snow plowing service. Subsequent to these events, another blizzard hit and I had over three feet of accumulated snow in my yard, with drifts as high as 6 feet. I was not able to even open my back door, due to the high snow drifts and ice which had sealed it shut from the outside. The steps up to the back door were completely frozen, covered with sheets of ice.
As if all this were not enough to deal with, I then faced a potential suspension of my driver's license, simply because I did not have the money to pay a fine for an overdue inspection in time to avoid getting embroiled in the bureaucratic bungling of the court system...if I had lost my license, I would not only have been isolated, but stranded. As it happened, I was able to beg money from a relative, but as usual at the last minute (and after being lectured and blamed for the circumstances) before total "disaster" struck.
But aside from the continuing circumstances of extreme hardship, here is a little of my personal history, since breaking out of the black ops in 1994, and culminating in the way things are:
I have extended myself and gone far out of my way to help as many people as I possibly could, including financially (at those times I was able to) even to the point of sacrificing my own basic needs and draining my last resources, for as long as I could, over a period of the past dozen years.
I have always shared the donations I received from the public (as well as any money I managed to earn from professional projects or anything I inherited) with family, friends and associates in need, in most cases giving away as much as I kept to support myself and fund my own activism, investigations and projects, including my website. I have given away many thousands of dollars, all told, to help others (as well as to various charities, causes, churches and animal shelters I found it important to support) with no strings attatched.
I gave money to others simply because I care. If I now had all the money I've given away, I'd be able to live off it and pay my basic expenses for a few years to come. Maybe I've been a fool, as some have admonished me, for not looking out for myself first, but in any case, that's water under the bridge and I can't say I regret it. Maybe a few "unworthy" candidates for my support, by whom I was hoodwinked, but mostly decent people who simply needed help. There but for the grace of God, go I: That has always been my first thought when someone needs help. Some would tell me that "You brought it (the poverty) on yourself" and refuse to help me for this reason.
For the most part, I live a spartan existence; as long as my basic needs are met; as long as I have a roof over my head, a small store of basic provisions and a safe, reliable vehicle that runs, I don't care about material possessions (except the few that may have sentimental value -- and of course, my books!) and certainly not the various luxuries many people seem to consider "necessary" for their survival.
I haven't had a vacation in well over ten years. I dress mostly in hand-me-downs from family and friends and military surplus, which may give you an idea of my priorities --one of which is not a glamorous lifestyle concerned with appearances. On the rare occasions I wear makeup, it's likely to be war paint, coal black night camouflage being my favorite (got to remind those government bastards who they're dealing with...)
As a sincere and committed Christian, I do believe in helping others whenever I can, especially if they are in worse circumstances than myself --and I'm well aware that there are many who are. Despite the poverty I've lived in for so long (with only a few short respites over the years from financial strain) I've done as much as I could for others and wish I could have done more. If I had anything left to give, I'll admit I would still be a soft touch for a sob story; I know that my heartstrings (and purse-strings) would be pulled by hearing a tale of heinous injustice. I simply can't bring myself to refuse when someone asks, Sister, can you spare a dime?...even if it's the last dime I have.
But as things now stand, my resources have been completely exhausted and I currently have no way to replenish them, not even any prospects of doing so. Several professional projects which I had hoped would bring in money have either been shelved through circumstances beyond my control; or have been sabotaged by the government perps whose objective is to keep me destitute.
One example: I was offered the opportunity (2003) to work on a film project as a "tactical consultant" on CIA/military black ops, based on a book which tells the true story of a soldier in the U.S. Army Special Forces who was "utilized" by CIA under some very disturbing and controversial circumstances. The "case" was in the major media over thirty years ago. The "hero" of the story (a wonderful Christian man in his late seventies) sent me a signed copy of his book and wrote a letter to me, saying he had been reading my reports on various websites for years, that they had "the ring of truth" and that he "recognized" that they were based on facts; facts and details that nobody could possibly know unless they had "been there".
Naturally, CIA stepped in and prevented me from getting a contract with the film company, even though I had spoken at length with the author of the book and the Hollywood producer, and both very much wanted me on the project. The government couldn't have it, wouldn't allow it. What if the truth came out about the real nature of some of their black ops? About political assassinations? About how they exploit and "program" their military personnel in their wars of colonialism, territorial imperative and power-grabs. Can't have that. Can't have Barbara Hartwell getting paid for her hard-earned expertise, or earning a living, either. Heaven forbid.
The massive libel campaigns being waged against me by my enemies haven't helped either...as mentioned before, the donations I once received on a somewhat regular basis for my Legal Defense and Research Fund have completely dried up. There was a time when I went to my PO box and almost every week, I would find at least one check, a money order or even some cash wrapped in layers of paper, with notes from people who said, God bless you, who thanked me for "standing up" against the liars and criminals in government or for defending God-given Constitutional rights. Now, there's nothing.
At present I'm tapped out, running on empty, barely scraping by. I own nothing of any real monetary value, have nothing left I can sell. I now live in a state of material poverty that most people would be hard-pressed to understand, much less deal with themselves.
Try having to ration gas, firewood (a wood-burning stove in my fireplace is my main source of heat) and even food for yourself and your cats (I now have 3 lovely girls, the others have gone to cat heaven)...or wash your clothes in the kitchen sink because you can't afford the laundromat. Try being snowed in for days at a time because you can't afford to hire help to dig out your vehicle and are too disabled from the "arranged" car crashes and biological and electronic warfare to do it yourself. And so it goes...
No, such a state of material poverty is not a tragedy. I know there are many people far worse off than I am, and for a healthy, able-bodied person such problems might present only minor and temporary inconveniences. But in my situation, it's all I can do to bear up under these problems, especially knowing that the situation of isolation, financial destitution and disability has been designed by the criminals in government to create as much traumatic stress and hardship as possible. At times it feels hopeless, having nowhere to turn for help.
But here's by far the most disturbing thing, even more disturbing than the crippling poverty in which I live: I'm tired of walking on one-way-streets.
Tired of having (for the most part) "caseloads" instead of real friendships, the kind that work both ways --as in, to have a friend, you have to be a friend. Tired of being involved in "situations" (setups engineered by the perps) rather than real relationships with people I care about. Tired of running "rescue missions" for people who take me for granted or repay my sincere concern, compassion and assistance with treachery. Tired of being a babysitter, legal advocate, mouthpiece or "enforcer" for wishy washy wimps who won't stand up for themselves. Tired of working long hours as an unpaid researcher or investigator for those people too lazy or apathetic to do their own legwork. Tired of having my brains picked as an "inside source" or intelligence analyst and then having information I provided to help someone either twisted beyond recognition and promoted as misinformation, or worse, twisted and used against me to do more undeserved damage to my personal or professional reputation. Tired of listening to hysterical, long-winded sob stories from self-centered people who, wallowing in their own misery, have made victimhood the ultimate mission for their lives.
I'm tired of it all. No, not just tired --but worn out and weary, right down to the bone.
I can't help feeling grief-stricken, at least some of the time, because in large measure, I am flat-out disgusted (in addition to being heartbroken) by the way I have been treated by so many people I've known, including those claiming to be "supporters", "friends" or "benefactors" interested in my work. Most have exploited me; deserted me; turned on me; or betrayed my confidence or trust....in some cases all of those things.
Some of these folks, when they realized I had nothing more to give (financially or otherwise); or when I drew the line at some form of unacceptable behavior or exploitation, have even accused me of going back to work for CIA!... As if this would conveniently explain why I would no longer be willing to make one sacrifice after another for these self-centered people, when I'm getting nothing whatsoever in return, when none of these same people have ever been there when I myself needed help.
Enough already. I have enough trouble simply trying to survive and dealing with my own considerable array of problems, living as I do in isolation and poverty; with no backup or support whatsoever that I can rely on from anyone; disabled from various abuses in the black ops and assaults against me from the goons trying to neutralize me; and being continually harassed by criminal agents of the government and their minions.
For me, just attempting to stay alive has become a full time job, especially in the winter months, when freezing or starving is actually a possibility. Aside from documenting my "case" and the books I am writing, I have time for little else.
Here's another thing: I refuse to pretend that I do not have to stand completely alone against this persecution. I've lost count of the times well-meaning people, even friends and family, have said to me: "Oh, but you're not alone..." Easy for them to say, isn't it? Perhaps because they are not alone and/or not being persecuted, they project their own circumstances or feelings onto me.
Projection seems an all-too-common form of neurosis in our society, I have noticed. Maybe some of them have been willing to make compromises in order to have some sort of support system, and expect me to do the same, whereas I have always refused to compromise my principles for anything or anyone.
Even among those I know who have been targeted, most of these people at least have some reliable source of income, something to live off, such as a paying job; a business; a pension and/or disability benefits; social security, something to fall back on. Some have money in the bank, saved for a rainy day, or an IRA....whatever, at least something.
Some have a spouse, a family member, a close friend, someone to offer reliable support, someone for backup. But I have none of these advantages and when I look around me, there isn't anyone there, certainly not any of those who assure me that I'm "not alone."
The simple truth is that I am alone against this persecution and this poverty and have been for a very long time. In fact, it has reached the point where I cannot even make a phone call where I can be assured of reaching someone --anyone at all-- near or far, if I need help; or even if I need to relay important or urgent information. That's the way it is, how isolated I have actually become and certainly not by my own choice. I have stood my ground, lived by my principles and I have paid the price by having to stand alone.
But I refuse to downplay or minimize the persecution being directed against me or to pretend that even if an emergency should arise, help is just a phone call away. It isn't. Currently I don't have one person in my life I can RELY on ("rely" being the operative word) who cares enough to be there (literally or figuratively speaking) if I need help. Why should I pretend? There are already too many antagonists out there in the world doing their damnedest to invalidate my case and to discredit any legitimate claims I make. Why help them along? I'd rather tell the God's honest truth and let the chips fall where they may.
"Get a Life..." Sure enough, that's what many people (who don't understand what I'm dealing with) have advised me to do. Do they think I wouldn't jump at the chance? Do they think I haven't tried? If I had my d'ruthers, I'd just love to "get a life". A "life" other than just trench warfare with the criminals in government.
I'd like nothing more than to have some semblance of normalcy. I'd like to have friends who live nearby, friends whom I could spend time with in person, rather than being limited to just occasional phone conversations. It would be great not to have to spend most weekends and holidays alone, usually working on my "crime reports".
Although I am very thankful to God for the few good friends and family members I do have and still maintain contact with, I often lament the fact that I live hundreds or thousands of miles away from every person who means something to me.
As far as why I live where I do, in Southern Coastal Maine, the reason is simple: My house was an inheritance. (It's nobody's business from whom, but I should make it clear that it did NOT come from the Bush family (who has a vacation home in nearby Kennebunkport); nor is it "owned by a member of the John Birch Society"; just two of the many lies being circulated by my enemies, stooges and minions of the government.)
I relocated here in June 2003, since it was the only place available to me where I could finally have a secure home, if nothing else. Although I love Maine and love being near the ocean, I had nowhere else to go after I lost the last home I had in Woodstock, New York (a rental I could not afford to keep) where at least there were a few friends and relatives living nearby.
And just try relocating and making new friends when you've got my background! If I am acting in good faith, I actually have a "duty to warn" anyone I have any association with. A warning that knowing me may be "hazardous to your health". (Remember the film, Enemy of the State ?) It would be wrong of me to lie, even by omission, especially since I've gone public with my case. I have two choices: Keeping to myself and saying nothing at all or telling the truth.
And once the cat is out of the bag, so to speak, well...new acquaintances start asking questions and I then have to decide how much they really "need to know" and what level of "clearance" (if any) I will assign. In any case, I'm a straight arrow by nature and have little use for small talk or other meaningless social amenities. For me, having real friends means they are people with common interests (and most of my interests are anything but "common") whom I can talk to.
Even when I joined the John Birch Society in 2003, thinking I might ally myself with like-minded people, defenders of the Constitution, the man running the Northeast sector of JBS got phone calls, warning him that (you'll never guess...) "Barbara Hartwell is CIA, watch out! "
This sort of thing --these phone calls-- are par for the course, doesn't matter where I go, whom I meet. Since this man was already acquainted with me, and he knew I had been open and honest about my background, he didn't really believe I was a CIA infiltrator...but still...
Then, there was the fact that shortly after I joined JBS, the local chapter in Biddeford-Saco was taken over (what a coincidence) by a glad-handing political hack, also a chairman of the Republican Party in Southern Maine, a man who, as far as I could tell, thought George W. Bush was one of "the good guys"...and who also, unfortunately, had some ill-advised "romantic" notions about me. When I set him straight and told him that I was not interested in having any such personal relationship with him, I was basically ostracized from the local JBS chapter, not informed of meetings, not invited to participate in JBS functions. So that was that. So much, at least so far, for finding new friends and allies in my local area.
Not to say it will never happen. But I know from long and bitter experience, that wherever I go, whomever I meet, sooner or later, a wrench will be thrown into any associations I may have. I may be a recluse by nature, as I do enjoy solitiude (peace and quiet) much of the time. But this is not the type of "solitude" I enjoy....rather, it is "isolation by design", the same old story...
Not least on my wish list, ideally I'd like to have a "real" husband (one I choose for myself, the one-and-only God intends for me, assuming he exists) not one of the "arranged" marriages through family bloodlines from CIA. In fact, some time back when I complained of my lot to a relative, he said to me: "You know, if the government wanted you to have a husband, they would issue you one." I'm sure he meant it as a joke, just a little black humor...and yet that is precisely --at least in the past--what these government rat bastards have done: "issued" the husbands. If you don't believe that such things go on, just ask some others connected to CIA who've had government-issue (politically expedient) marriages...
I'm sick and tired of "government-issue", in every area of my life, especially since they never "issued" me anything worth having, but only what would allow them the greatest degree of control over my circumstances and the greatest "return on their investment" in me, as what they hoped would turn out to be one of their "perfect spies". What a bunch of fools they were.. and still are, at least the ones who are yet among the living. The others, no doubt, are burning in the pit of hell. Or, lacking the grace of God, will be.
All I can do is keep praying for God to change my life, change my circumstances. Maybe someday, He will. At the worst of times, I can only wonder what God's purpose has been for all the heartbreak I've had to endure at the hands of the U.S. Government. I think I know, even though I sometimes lose my faith. I also know there are others like me who have suffered a similar fate, but who also understand that God has a purpose for every life He creates, for every servant and messenger who allows His will to be done, as through a vessel. Nothing that God does is ever done in vain, no matter how things may appear on the surface. But meanwhile, I can only take one day at a time, and am still very grateful for all the blessings, the grace and the miracles God has seen fit to bestow upon me.
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
--2 Timothy 1:7
Believer in the Gospel of Jesus Christ
Defender of the United States Constitution
Enemy of the New World Order Police State
Sunday July 31, 2005