On Good Friday, 2013 (March 29) I received an injury to my right hand. I remember the exact date, because the injury stopped me from going to church, which I normally would have done.
I avoid the hospital emergency room whenever possible, for a number of reasons. I don't trust the doctors. I don't use drugs. I have no medical insurance and no money to pay for emergency room fees, and refuse to fill out forms which require answers to intrusive questions, asking for government assistance. ("Free" medical care is anything but free.)
If my circumstances had been anything other than dire poverty, it would not have been such a big problem, nor would have involved months of anxiety, trauma and pain, as I sought help which was not available. I do have a naturopathic doctor I trust in my local area, but I had no money to pay him either.
So at first I treated the injury myself, as best I could, using what I already had in the house, some herbal salves and bandages. But the injury turned out to be more serious than I at first thought, as it was painful beyond what should be "normal", and by my reckoning, it should have healed a lot faster, but instead seemed to be taking forever.
A month went by, during which time I was running out of supplies, but by this time I had managed to get an appointment with my doctor, who allowed me to pay half the fee up front, and owe the rest, to pay when I can; and as it was, I had to beg the money from a relative, since there was no other way to get hold of even such a small sum as I needed.
Because of disability, I can't drive on highways, nor in a city, which is where the doctor's office is located. And then, there was the fact that I had no gas in the car, again, due to having no money. I finally found a ride from a member of my church, who kindly offered to drive me to the doctor's appointment.
The doctor gave me instructions on how to treat the wound, and provided some medicine he dispenses himself, but unfortunately I was not able to get the other medicines I needed --again, no money. And I was unable to get back to the doctor for the follow-up visit. I am still waiting, praying that I can somehow get the money I need.
The injury, at this writing, is still not totally healed -- almost (I hope), but not quite. I suspect that there is nerve damage, as the pain persists. It has gotten better, but has required constant vigilance, and over the past few months, has added to the hardships caused by the poverty in which I live.
For instance, because the wound on my hand had to be bandaged and kept out of water, I had to wash dishes with one hand. It wasn't that big a problem, it just took longer. The big problem was that I had no money to go to the laundromat, not for months, and so was forced to wash all the laundry by hand. Now, I was reduced to one-handed washing, and only of small items of clothing. Luckily, I have a small antique wooden drying rack which I can place in the bathtub. Unluckily, just try ringing out clothes with one hand. As for sheets, towels, denim or sweatshirts, forget it, there's simply no way (at least for me). Huge baskets full of laundry now sit waiting to be washed --that's the nature of poverty, as any small amount of money I am able to get has to go for greater priorities.
Next item: Putting food on the table. Since March of this year, the only way I have been able to get any food at all is from local food pantries, run as Christian charities for the poor, including the Salvation Army. I have no problem taking Christian charity, it's what I believe in; just as I have always given to others; no matter how little I have, I will share it with those in need.
But there isn't much available in the way of grocery items, and there is a limit of one visit a month at each of 3 places in my local area. Most of the foods are non-perishable items, canned goods; there is always unlimited bread (which can be refrigerated), and it is a rare occasion to be able to get any fresh fruit or vegetables. Since I am a vegetarian (for over 40 years now), I refuse anything which contains meat, and I don't use products with harsh chemical preservatives or msg.
I don't think I am in danger of starving (maybe a case of malnutrition, as my general health is already poor and I have no access to the regular medical care I need), but I have lost so much weight that my clothes are hanging on me. I am reduced to drinking tap water, which I have almost never done in my life, but there isn't another option at present, even at 88 cents a gallon for spring water, I just can't afford it.
But there is a member of my family who lives with me, my beloved feline grandchild, Kyra, whose needs cannot be met by the food pantries. The Salvation Army sometimes has cat food, but it's not enough to last an entire month, only about a week's worth. They don't have cat litter, either. Having run out of cat food last week, I fed her some canned tuna, which I did get at the food pantries, thinking ahead to such an eventuality. I ran out of litter this week too. All I could do was tear up some newspapers, hoping that would suffice, but Kyra is clearly not happy with it.
As for the monthly bills, I can't pay them. The electric bill is 3 months overdue. I was told by the Salvation Army that they "might" be able to help me with that, but ONLY after I receive a "final disconnect" notice. And that they can only help one time. This is the first time in my life I have ever waited, hoping for a final disconnect notice.
I only have Internet service/phone at this time (it was already shut off once), because I got a donation from a supporter of Dr. Carpenter, whose show, The Medical Conspiracy, I co-host. That bill also, is now way behind, and the "final disconnect" looms, though I am not "hoping" for that. Perhaps I will receive another donation, so I won't lose all my communications, and perhaps not; there is never any way of knowing, never anything I can rely on.
As it stands, I have the roof over my head, and that's it --for now anyway. But I won't be able to stay where I am much longer, barring a miracle. I literally have NOTHING coming in, no reliable source of material support whatsoever.
No one has offered me sanctuary, should I lose my home.
In all the years I have been struggling with poverty (there have been certain times when there was a respite, but never for longer than a few years), things have never been this bad. Nor have I ever been so totally deserted by family and friends. The worse things get, I have observed, the more I need help, the less people are willing to give, if anything at all.
Forget the general public, readers of this website. Donations have become a very rare event. It appears that the shills and demonic liars, with their massive, relentless libel/slander campaigns, have taken care of that.
Most of my relatives will not even speak to me, and have expressed no concern for my well-being. Instead, I am blamed and criticized, for circumstances over which I have little control. I doubt they even know what is happening in my life, since I am hardly ever given the chance to talk to them.
Sadly, I can't really say I have a "family" anymore, only blood relatives who for the most part, treat me as if I were a stranger. I love them dearly, but I certainly can't rely on them for anything.
Which brings me to the reason I am writing this report. I am publishing just a few of the gory details (there are many more, which I will spare the reader) on my website, because I simply have not been able get through to anyone about the life-threatening nature of my circumstances, for which no help appears to be available. When I try to explain how desperate my situation is, people seem not to hear me, perhaps because I am a "just the facts" type, not ruled by my emotions, not effusive or melodramatic, and not wanting to burden others with my "sob story". So I guess they think that "it couldn't be all that bad". In fact, it is far worse than they know.
I know from experience that some people assume (falsely) that if I am posting reports on my website, then surely, I must be "okay". No, but as long as I have Internet access, I try as best I can to keep working, though I can't produce as much as I would like. The issues of survival take up most of my time and energy.
Others assume (falsely) that I "must be" collecting, at the very least, social security, something for which I am not eligible, due to "no official employment history". They don't understand that I "fall through the cracks", that is, by design, to reduce my chances of survival. Among the other tactics, it's called "starving the Target." Isolation, alienation, deprivation, to be more precise. CIA Psy War Extraordinaire.
Then there are those who assume (falsely) that because I have blood relatives, they "must" be going to step forward and help me, rather than letting the worst happen. Apparently, they are going to do nothing at all, as I've learned from bitter experience.
There are people who have said, "I will always be there for you and Kyra". Where are they now?
People who have led me to believe they truly cared, truly valued the work I do, and who gave me to understand that they would continue to support me, who told me all sorts of things they planned to do to help me. All talk... No, they've dropped me like a hot potato, for any number of reasons, but as for their "caring"? Knowing how I am forced to live, and what I have been through, because they have witnessed some of it themselves? I don't think "caring" is involved.
People who have told me they would "not let the worst happen". The "worst" has not happened... yet...but I wonder, what are they waiting for?
I understand, people have their own lives, their own families, their own problems, their own financial woes. But I must say, I don't know anyone that is completely alone in the world (they have at least, a spouse, a family member, or more than one, someone they can rely on); with no source of material support whatsoever (they are at least able to collect social security, or a pension, or disability benefits, etc. and/or have a job, and/or get reliable support from family/friends); who cannot get medical care if they are injured, fall ill, or in an emergency (they have health insurance); or who cannot make a phone call and be sure of getting the help they need (again, reliable family and friends).
That is the nature of my situation; that is the truth, as God is my witness. I am so very tired of trying to explain, and instead of getting any tangible help (at least from those who don't blame or criticize me), I get "pep talks" about "positive thinking" or how "things will work out" (how? when?); more false assumptions about solutions that don't exist, or are not available to me; unsolicited advice (I don't need advice, I need HELP), and on and on it goes...
Or, worst of all, dead silence, a total void. All communications dropped.
So, the next time someone asks me, How are you? I will simply direct them to this website, and tell them that if they really want to know, they can read all about it (there are many reports, aside from this one), and then decide how much (if at all) it matters.
I know that my situation is not unusual, not for a government whistleblower and activist. I've known people (and read about others) who have lost almost everything, their homes, (which happened to me in 2010), most of their resources (ditto), their families, not by death, but by abandonment (same here.) One man recently made a video in which he explained that his wife was divorcing him, and that he was no longer "allowed" to see or even speak to his grandchildren. All because he refused to back down and stop exposing and fighting government corruption, but is standing on his principles. The stalkers, the haters, the lunatics, the criminals, all persecuting him, making death threats (just as it's happened to me), and his family chose to desert him, rather than stand by him. God bless him, and all others like him, for doing the right thing, no matter the consequences.
I know the feeling, all too well. I haven't seen my grandchildren since last year. I have no way to travel to see them (poverty, and no one to drive me); could not see them even at Christmas, and I have been given no indication that anyone will be visiting me.
And in case anyone is wondering, here's the good news: I have not lost my faith in God, despite all the hardships and heartbreak. For those government rat bastards who are "listening in" on my daily life, I'm sure they could attest (if they were so inclined) that there are two phrases they hear repeated, every single day: "Help me, Jesus!" and "Thank You, Jesus"!
I give thanks for every single blessing, for every instance of healing, for every kindness shown to me, for all the Christian love and charity I do receive, for all the provisions I receive (from whatever source) and for protection and mercy, all by the Grace of God.
"All things come of Thee, O Lord; and of Thine own have we given Thee."
1 Chronicles 29:14
Barbara Hartwell Percival
June 26, 2013
Barbara Hartwell Percival
Legal Defense & Research Trust
PO Box 22
Old Orchard Beach
Barbara Hartwell Vs. CIA
Legal Defense & Research Trust
PO Box 22
Old Orchard Beach
Barbara Hartwell Vs. CIA