Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit. As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
This report, unlike most others, is personal. It is important to me to share this story, since I hold the hope that it might inspire others, among my Christian brothers and sisters, and also those of other faiths (or nonreligious) and give them some ideas to consider.
For the purpose of this report, to keep it from being too lengthy, from digressing into other issues, and to protect the privacy of those involved, I will try to keep the focus on the main issue: my conversion to the Catholic Church.
I was born in March, 1951. I was baptized in the Eastern Orthodox Church that same year. My father's family came from one of the islands off the Northern coast of Greece. My mother's family (my grandparents) were Scots Presbyterian. I still have my mother's Bible, falling apart at the seams, issued by her church, now nearly a hundred years old. My mother converted at the time of the marriage, but never became a practitioner of the Orthodox faith.
In my early childhood years I was taken to the Orthodox church, mostly for family events (baptisms, weddings, funerals) and on Christian Holidays (Easter and Christmas), but when my parents separated (I was 11), for years there was no regular church attendance.
Despite the lack of church attendance and formal religious education in childhood, I always loved God and wanted to know all I could about Him. And I always was drawn, above all others, to the Catholic Church. When I was a teenager and young adult, living in NYC, I used to go into the Catholic churches, which in those days were left open to access for the faithful, and even for those who just needed sanctuary. They were true houses of God, where no one in need was turned away, day or night, as the case might be.
I loved the silence and the statues of Saints, the low lighting by lamps and votary candles. In the sanctuary, I felt at peace. I could light a candle, sit there alone and pray. I could talk to God, knowing he heard me. I could feel the presence of Jesus. But oddly enough I never attended Mass, it just didn't occur to me.
When I was in my early twenties I became more focused on religious studies, including Eastern religions, as well as general Christian seminary studies. One of my teachers was a Jesuit priest, one was a Sufi, one a Buddhist monk. The best way to explain this is that I wanted to know the truth, so I looked at everything. I was ordained in the ministry by the Universalist church at the age of 28 (1979).
I have had no affiliation with the Universalist church since then (nor do I believe in their doctrines – heaven forbid!), but I have been involved in Christian ministry for many years, mostly nondenominational. I have been a devout Christian all these years, but looking back on it, I am amazed at some of what I was indoctrinated to believe (by the Protestants, that is), and I am still wondering what prevented me from becoming a Catholic.
I liked the Episcopal Church, because it was closest to Catholic, in much of the liturgy, the Holy Eucharist and in the atmosphere. I know that they actually call themselves “Catholic”, as well as Protestant, which was confusing. I now know that, at least for me, it was more like “Catholic lite”, rather than the One Holy Catholic and Apostolic Church, instituted by Jesus Christ. Still here, after roughly 2,000 years.
In 2009, while living in Maine, I started attending an Episcopal Church. My neighbor was the Priest there and invited me to come to services. I enjoyed going to church on a regular basis and decided that I would be confirmed, which I was, by a Bishop, in November, 2011. I stayed until late 2013, when I was forced to leave Maine under emergency circumstances. In early 2014 (at Lent) I found another Episcopal Church in NY State, where I had moved. I was there from 2014 until late 2o19, and served as Clerk of the Vestry.
I loved both of these churches, I loved the people and the Priests, both of whom went out of their way to help me and support me, knowing my background with CIA and the political persecution and whistleblower retaliation that plagued my life. The church had at times paid my electric bills, when I got a final disconnect notice; they paid for gas for my car, and even for cat food for my beloved feline friends. And I was able to get food from their charitable enterprises. They were a real blessing in my life, one that I will always remember. I pray for them to this day.
There were several reasons I finally made the decision to leave, heartbreaking though it was.
I was alarmed to see that the Episcopal Church had made a hard left turn. I remembered, from many years back, how conservative and traditional the church used to be. (I'd had some past history with this church, which is not really relevant to my story.)
But now, I watched in distress as some of the members became supporters of Black Lives Matter (a Marxist group); they marched for gun control in the false belief they were “protecting our children” (to keep and bear arms is a Constitutionally protected right!); they were buying in to other radical leftist ideas, like militant feminism (some women knitting “pussy hats” for those in the congregation – how stupid!), and even gave the stamp of approval to extreme LGBTQ+/gender ideologies, Critical Race Theory (CRT) and “Reparations”, all of which I consider to be anathema.
They seemed to love the lawless open border policies and actually believed it was the “Christian” thing to do to allow millions of illegal aliens to invade the country. They turned a blind eye to all the human trafficking, drug cartels, the rapes, the murders, and the fact that these illegals were stealing American jobs and were given “benefits”, while the American working poor were going hungry, and our veterans were homeless, living on the streets.
In short, they had no respect whatsoever for the US Constitution, the Rule of Law, nor apparently for the true Biblical values they purported to support. They were in essence, Communists!
Then came the final straw: The so-called “pandemic”. They decided to close the church, have services online. When they finally reopened, they required all attendees to wear masks, to “social distance”, and submit to the propaganda to get the toxic shots.
I guess I should not have been shocked, but I was. It was devastating to me to see how they had caved to the vile brainwashing. This was not a House of God, preaching the Gospel of Jesus Christ; it had become a “woke” leftist, secular humanist social club!
I could not in good conscience stay there. It was not my place to try to change their minds and I didn't want to be in conflict with others, so I resigned my office as Clerk of the Vestry and quietly walked away.
For a few years after leaving the Episcopal church I did not attend church at all. In this time period, beginning in 2020, most of the churches were closed, or services were held on ZOOM, or, they required all attendees to wear masks, “social distance”, and be “vaccinated”.
This was madness! I did not wear a mask (it was against my Christian faith and violated my God-given rights), nor ever for one moment did I even consider the toxic shot. I had been non-compliant with these tyrannical Marxist policies from the beginning. I saw this so-called “pandemic” for what it was, and absolutely refused to participate in the lunacy and tyranny in any way.
So for 3 years (early 2020-late 2023) I prayed to find another church. I searched online and read the websites of any churches nearby, regardless of denomination. I just wanted to go to church, to have fellowship with my brothers and sisters in Christ, in a place where faith and sanity ruled over fear and subjugation to the government! But I found nothing which met my requirements.
I continued to pray, though it was beginning to look hopeless. Then one day, the Holy Spirit spoke to me. I was told that there was a particular church I should visit, very close to where I live. The church was Catholic.
Considering everything I've explained thus far, you might wonder why I hadn't even considered a Catholic Church in my search. And why did I not jump at the chance to follow the promptings of the Spirit?
But instead, I waited. First, I drove by the church, but didn't go in. I saw that it was a beautiful old building surrounded by a lovely garden, with statues of Jesus and the Virgin Mary.
I
thought a lot about that church in the next few months. I didn't know
anyone there. I wasn't a “real” Catholic and didn't know if I
would be welcome. I didn't know the “rules” I might have to
follow. I thought it might be too hard for me. Then, one day my doctor mentioned the same church, out of the blue. He wasn't Catholic, but told me that for some reason he thought I might like it there.
And the promptings of the Holy Spirit continued... One day, in August, 2023, I decided to put aside my doubts and give it a try. I asked a friend (not a Catholic) to accompany me and went to a service on Saturday afternoon. I loved it! What a relief it was, how uplifting, to be in a true House of God!
I continued to attend Mass on most Saturdays, missing church occasionally only due to the condition of my health. I thought the Priest was wonderful. I saw that he espoused conservative, traditional values (both Catholic and for the US Constitution), and that some of the clergy he admired and recommended we listen to were the same ones I loved as well. And best of all, he leaves the church open every day, so anyone is welcome to come in and pray!
The following Spring, I met with the Priest and told him I wanted to convert. I told him about my history, he asked me some questions, and said he saw no obstacle to my conversion.
Except one: He told me that my baptism in the Eastern Orthodox Church was acceptable, and that he only needed my baptismal certificate as verification.
The problem was, I could not locate my baptismal certificate. The last time I'd seen it was over 10 years ago, when I left Maine. I did remember very clearly that my baptism was in NYC (not sure which borough, though my family at the time of my birth lived on Central Park West in Manhattan). I also know for certain the name of the church: St. Nicholas Greek Orthodox Church.
I had searched my files but could not find the certificate. My next step was to search for all the St. Nicholas churches in NYC. I contacted them all by phone, but no one had a record on me. Finally, I contacted the Orthodox Registry. A priest responded by e-mail, letting me know that he had no record of my baptism. However, he did tell me that there was one St. Nicholas Greek Orthodox church which would not have any records. It was located in Lower Manhattan, at the site of the WTC, and was destroyed on September 11, 2001. This was the first I had heard of this, so I looked it up.
St. Nicholas Greek Orthodox Church
Originally founded in 1916.
Old Photo of St. Nicholas Greek Orthodox Church
There is now a shrine where the church once stood. I'm not a fan of modernism, so I much prefer the original church.
Anyway, I don't know for sure that this was the church where I was baptized. If so, what are the chances? But I have not been able to find a record anywhere else. All my family (at least the older members, my aunts and uncles, as well as both my parents), are long gone, so there is no one left whom I could ask.
So I will leave it to the Priest to decide what to do. He did assure me that we would figure it out, and I trust that this will happen, one way or another. I now await confirmation, once this issue is settled. Thank You Jesus!
Going to Mass on a regular basis has changed my life. There is nothing in the Catholic doctrine with which I have a problem, and this report is not meant to go into depth or details. I will say that as I have been studying scripture for over 40 years (Canonical as well as what are known as “non-Canonical extra-biblical texts” (example: The Book of Enoch), both Protestant Bibles (example: KJV ) and Catholic, with the apocrypha (example: Douay-Rheims) I have found that the Catholic doctrine holds closer to scriptural truth, at least from what I can discern.
Why did it take me so long to decide to convert? I really don't have an answer. My conversion will not change what I believe, or why I believe; it only validates it and enhances my Christian faith. But it adds a dimension which makes me feel more free to express some facets of my faith which I know to be true, for which I have been criticized by my Protestant friends, especially what I consider to be the hidebound fundamentalists.
In any case, my policy is that I don't argue scripture with anyone. People are free to believe what they will. Discussions of my particular beliefs and faith are fine with me, as long as nobody tries to force their views on me.
I'm not a fan of Martin Luther, nor of John Calvin, nor of the Protestant Reformation, never have been, enough said.
The
truth is, in my heart I have always been a Catholic, and have been a
“closet Catholic” for my entire life. I would go to great lengths to visit monasteries and convents, every chance I had.
Any home in which I live (including my current home) has been adorned with crucifixes, rosary beads, candles of Saints, statues of St Michael the Archangel, artwork depicting angels and saints. I especially love angels, which I have hanging on the walls, and statues in my garden.
My favorite among the Catholic saints are St. Jude (the Patron Saint of Lost Causes) and Saint Barbara (The Patron Saint of artillery!) after whom I am named. There is even the Ancient Military Order of Saint Barbara, members of which I have known, including General Officers in the US Military.
St. Barbara
St. Jude
Lastly, I will say that I have been inspired on my journey by certain persons, exemplars of the Catholic faith. Among my favorites are Thomas Merton and Malachi Martin, whose books I love and have read and reread over a period of many years.
Then, there are others whose work continues and by whom I have been informed, educated, inspired and motivated.
For anyone who is interested, I would recommend their writings, websites, books, radio programs and podcasts.
Please see these sources:
PUBLICATIONS
Randall Terry (OPERATION RESCUE)
Thomas Merton Center
CATHOLIC VOTE
The Remnant Newspaper
National Center for Padre Pio
Dr. Taylor Marshall
URBI ET ORBI COMMUNICATIONS
https://urbietorbicommunications.com/
INSIDE THE VATICAN
INDIVIDUALS (Clergy & Journalists)
Archbishop Carlo Maria Viganò
Fr. Charles Murr
Fr. James Altman
Bishop Joseph Edward Strickland
Fr. Chad Ripperger
Fr. Frank Pavone
Michael Matt (The Remnant Newspaper)
Dr. Robert Moynihan (INSIDE THE VATICAN)
Barbara Hartwell (long ago) at Monastery in Maine
Barbara Hartwell at Cloisters, NYC (1978)
Barbara Hartwell
Blessed to be awaiting my confirmation into the One Holy Catholic & Apostolic Church
August 27, 2024
P.S. I was confirmed and received into the Catholic Church on All Souls Day, November 2, 2024.
St. Michael Archangel
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For those who find the reports on this site to be of value and who may find it in their hearts to offer support (as Christian charity or gifts), you may send donations (checks, money orders or cash) to:
Barbara Hartwell
PO Box 22
Rhinebeck, NY 12572
Donations
in any amount are greatly appreciated and gratefully accepted. Thank you.
