My Personal Battle for Privacy &
Sovereignty
The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent
me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and
release from darkness for the prisoners.
Isaiah 61:1
Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the
Lord is, there is freedom.
2 Corinthians
3;17
And Jabez called on the God of
Israel saying,
"Oh, that You would bless me indeed,
and enlarge my
territory,
that Your hand would be with
me,
and that You would keep me
from evil,
that I may not cause
pain!"
So God granted him what he
requested.
1 Chronicles
4:10
In 1994, I was able to break out of CIA
operations, permanently. As I've stated in my
previous reports, my escape (the most accurate word I can use) from CIA was
not a sudden event, but happened in increments, after many years
of battle with my handlers and the evil forces behind the MK Ultra program,
under which I received much of my early training in intelligence
work.
I had engaged in intense supernatural warfare, I
had prayed for deliverance and God answered my prayers. Most of the people who
were part of my life at that time had not been told about the double life I had
been leading, in fact, for my entire adult life. I was still operating under the
"code of silence", for the most part, for which my previous indoctrination had
been a powerful deterrent from speaking out, at least specifically regarding
CIA.
But the events of that time period were such
that I could not help but confide in certain of my closest friends --I needed
assistance. I was being persecuted, had been driven into dire poverty, a result
of the neutralization campaign being waged against me. I was running for my
life, from place to place, and to complicate matters, I had nine (9) cats to
support. These animals were my family, in every real sense of the word, as
beloved as any human being to me, and in every decision I made, I had to put
their welfare first. I have would died, rather than abandon my
cats.
Much of my professional work for many years had
been conducted "outside" of CIA, and aside from earning a living for myself,
served as a sort of cover for the operations I was involved in. Among other
things, I had a private practice in spiritual/pastoral counseling, and later as
a Jungian analyst.
In order to become a Jungian analyst, one must
not only be trained in the discipline, but the candidate is required to go
through two years of personal analysis, which I completed in 1993.
That was also the year my mother died.
That time was marked by many extreme changes
in my life. I had cut my hair (which then fell below my hips) to shoulder
length, as a token of mourning for my mother's
death.
My analyst was an exceptional man, without
whose support I might never have been able to cope with all the crises in my
life. It took me awhile to tell him about the government, what they had done to
me, to others in my family, as trust was always a serious issue for me, and
because I had been previously psychologically abused by CIA psychiatrists, since
childhood, perpetrators in the MK Ultra program.
My analyst had the rare gift not only
of profound understanding of the mysterious workings of the psyche, but also of
spiritual discernment. He was able to recognize that the problems I was
experiencing were not due to any "mental" unbalance, but were a direct result of
outside forces and circumstances, namely the government agents who had made my
life a living hell.
He saw the truth: that I was standing alone against powerful
enemies in positions of authority, who were hell-bent on destroying my life. He
once told me, You are one of the most sane and solidly grounded persons I have
ever known. What's more, rather than try to dissuade me from fighting back, as
so many other people had done, he respected my decision to stand up against the
evildoers and seek justice. Considering that some of the stories I told him
were bizarre, to say the least, the fact that he believed me, and understood
what was actually happening to me, made a world of difference in my
life.
PROFILE OF A BUSYBODY
However, in that terrible time, during which I
had been repeatedly uprooted, and during which most of any support (materially
and otherwise) I previously had was ripped away, I was further stressed by the
relationships I had with friends who not only had no real understanding of me as
an individual, but who also took it upon themselves to engage in outrageous
interference in my personal/professional affairs.
In other words, they were busybodies. In
fact, busybodies have in many ways been the bane of my existence, for as far
back as I can remember. I have written numerous reports on the activities of
busybodies. I have constructed psychological profiles on the nature of
busybodies. And unfortunately, these people, both individually and collectively,
have done as much damage, have stirred up as much trouble, as any bona fide
government agents I have ever known.
Why? Because busybodies very simply DO NOT
RESPECT THE PRIVACY, THE PERSONAL BOUNDARIES OR THE FUNDAMENTAL GOD-GIVEN RIGHTS
OF THE INDIVIDUAL.
(Just like the government.)
Based on many years of personal/professional
experience, it is my opinion that busybodies labor under a particular type of
psychopathology, a sort of obsessive-compulsive disorder. Their profound lack of
respect --or even acknowledgment of-- the personal boundaries of others stems,
first and foremost, from their own lack of solid grounding in Individual
Personhood.
Not having developed this fundamental core
of integrity in themselves, they fail to recognize it in others. They therefore
tend to project their own subjective values, their own opinions, their own
viewpoints, and their own weaknesses and character flaws on everyone around
them.
Worse, they attempt to force their own
subjective opinions and worldview on others. Their behavior displays
an arrogance, a self-righteousness, which always ends up alienating those
persons from whom they most seek love and approval. Busybodies are approval
seekers and people-pleasers, who follow not the eternal laws of God, but the
dictates and temporal whims of men.
Busybodies are collectivists, rather than
champions of Individual rights and liberties. They are "team players", seekers
of "consensus", who tend to gravitate toward the leftist politics of
liberalism, progressivism, socialism and even communism, and are often
proponents of the New Age Movement, or supporters of the United Nations. They
fail to recognize that the New Age movement is not about "spiritual
enlightenment", but is simply another tentacle of the Octopus; that it is an
indoctrination system of the New World Order, which seeks to expunge individual
rights, thus enslaving the populace under globalist
totalitarianism.
Secular humanism, myriad forms
of pop-psychology, motivational psychology, self-help courses and books ad
infinitum, all geared toward "self-improvement" or "spiritual
enlightenment" attract them like a swarm of bees, just as the
hive-mentality prevails among them. Positive thinking. Prosperity
Consciousness. Create your own Reality. The Law of Attraction. The
Ascension...etc. etc. etc. They seem
to be on an endless and ever-changing quest for a perfect "formula" by which to
live their lives.
But where is God in all these humanist
ideologies and contrived systems of thought?
The Personal Living God, who created the heavens
and the earth, Who knows the very number of hairs on their heads, Who knows
their needs before they pray, Who sees every sparrow that falls, and Who holds
the power to deliver them from evil, to bestow His blessings, to answer their
prayers, to forgive their sins and save them by His grace.
It is God Who has bestowed on each and every
Individual the very rights and liberties, the free will, to live as one sees
fit, as long as they are not violating the rights of
another.
As for those who fail to respect the rights of
the Individual, whose misplaced will for power and control in their own
lives manifests as aggression against others (meddling, invasions of privacy,
violations of trust) and makes of them petty tyrants, they --both individually and collectively, who apparently
cannot distinguish what is right from what is wrong, what is good from what is
evil-- are at the root of more suffering, more injustice, than they can imagine,
all the while believing they hold the moral high ground, as do-gooders with a
"savior" complex.
LETTER TO A FORMER
FRIEND
Recently I was sorting through boxes of files,
searching for some documents, and deciding what to keep, and what should be burned. In the process I happened to find a letter I
wrote, almost twenty years ago. It was addressed to someone with whom I'd had a
close friendship, but which had ended when she chose to abandon me, rather than
be willing to respect my privacy, my personal boundaries, even my fundamental
rights.
This is a story I know well, which sadly, has repeated
itself over and over and over...
I decided to publish this letter because it
could serve as a classic template, describing to a "T" the behavior of
"Busybodies I have known". I have known quite a number of others since that
time; their attitudes, their actions, and the trouble they always stirred up in
other people's lives, predictable as the sunrise.
Rereading this letter, after so much time had
passed, I realized that I had forgotten some of the details of the events of
that time. Mostly, I had only remembered the feeling of betrayal and a lingering
sadness at the loss of a friend. However, I was outraged afresh at the
intrusive, disrespectful and totally indiscreet behavior of this
individual.
I have forgiven her, in my heart, long ago.
Nonetheless, I cannot forget, nor would want to try.
I have kept the letter in its original form,
only removing the name of the recipient and certain others to protect their
privacy and mine. The rest speaks for itself.
Barbara Hartwell Percival
July 30, 2013
*********************
October 1994
I am writing this letter because it is important
to me that I clearly explain my feelings in regard to what I once believed was a
friendship between us. I don't necessarily expect that you will understand nor
care about what I have to say. That's for you to decide, but I am writing this
for my own sake.
I have felt deeply hurt and shocked by your most
recent treatment of me: your betrayal of my trust, your disrespect of my rights
as an individual and your disregard for my clearly stated wishes about my own
life. So you may know what I am referring to, I will elaborate with a number of
cases in point.
With what I believed were good intentions in
wanting to help me out of a dire situation, you contacted some friends of mine
whom you asked for money on my behalf. You had suggested this to me beforehand,
at which time I clearly told you I did not feel comfortable about it. When you
later told me you had done it --in spite of my wishes-- I reluctantly accepted
it, as I told you then, but only in the belief that it was solely out of concern
for me. But judging from the way you have treated me since that time, I feel
that if you had truly cared about my well-being you could not possibly have
shown so little respect for me, nor would you have gone from one extreme to
another: first taking on the role of would-be "savior" (which I never wanted,
needed or requested), then abruptly switching to a sudden total
abandonment of any concern for me at all.
Your attitudes toward me, as well as your
actions, whether coming from one extreme or the other, apparently had
nothing to do with me. It now seems clear that you were projecting upon
me your own beliefs, opinions and psychological problems.
The nature of my
problems was material and circumstantial, not psychological, but you
insisted on projecting your own feelings on me. You repeatedly made remarks
which suggested that I was to blame for the financial problems besetting me. You
tried to lecture me about "taking responsibility" for my life, admonishing me
that I could not expect to be "dependent" on certain individuals forever. With
all the zealotry of a fundamentalist, you preached to me about aspects of my
life which you knew nothing about, often using your life as an example to
illustrate your point. Irrespective of the fact that I don't need to follow
anyone's example --and certainly not yours-- it was not your place to
give me unsolicited advice, which only caused more stress for me, the last thing
I needed.
The relationships, agreements, and arrangements
(financial or otherwise) I have with particular individuals are my business
exclusively, whether or not I choose to confide in anyone else regarding
them. I chose to confide in you only because I believed you to be my friend. I
thought then that you had at least some understanding of me and my
situation. As you were well aware, the last thing I was seeking was
advice.
You and I have very different viewpoints about
many things. I have no problem with friends holding different viewpoints; in
fact I would naturally expect it. But I do have a problem with someone trying to
impose her particular viewpoint on me. And for you to do this was especially
distressing to me under the miserable circumstances of my life at that time. My
problems were never "confusion", "lack of clarity" about my situation,
or refusal to "take responsibility" for my life. Yet you treated me as if advice
from your totally erroneous perspective of my circumstances were some sort of
remedial measure. My perspective never needed changing. I simply needed
money. Poverty is not a mental disease. If you believe otherwise, so be it, but
your personal, subjective beliefs had no relevance to the reality of the
situation I was in.
You repeatedly insisted that I had other
immediate options (which were in fact non-existent), or that there were
alternatives to financial dependency on certain persons at that time. This was
merely your opinion; a baseless conjecture backed by nothing of substance. But
your attitude indicated more than just a total lack of understanding of me and
my situation. You were placing blame on the victim --the last place it ever
belongs.
You seem to have little respect for the privacy,
the individuality, the integrity or the personal boundaries of others. Respect
and loyalty, without which there cannot be true friendship-- at least according
to my standards-- mean respecting another's right to make her own decisions, to
hold her own beliefs, even if they are not in accordance with yours. Respect and
loyalty also mean keeping a friend's confidences, especially when you know the
person is trusting you to do so.
Since I last spoke to you I found out that you
called my sister, although I had specifically asked you not to, after you had
revealed to me that you had called others. Fortunately, she showed the good
judgment in this instance to consult me, instead of making calls to my
relatives, the Percivals in Virginia, which you had urged her to do, even after
I had made it very clear to you that I did not want these individuals contacted.
I am thankful that she knew better than to give you their telephone number, as
then your meddling might have made a bad situation considerably worse. Since I
told you that I did not want certain people called, I obviously must have had my
reasons, and whether or not I chose to explain them to you, it was my right
to decide, not yours.
You showed no respect for me, for my wishes, nor
for my privacy. You treated me as if I were a recalcitrant child or a mental
incompetent, unable to think for myself or know what was right --or wrong--
for me.
Just because someone is under severe stress,
which at times can certainly drive a person to nervous exhaustion, does not mean
she has lost control of her mental faculties, or that her basic sense of
judgment is impaired. Nor does it mean she has forfeited her right to make her
own decisions. In any event, nothing in my situation granted you the right to
surreptitiously interfere --especially against what you knew to be my
wishes --in my affairs. And you are certainly far from qualified to judge
another person's mental state.
In the last phone conversation I had with you, I
clearly explained that I did not want X to be given any further information
about my business, as I had quickly discovered that confiding in her was a
mistake. I asked you then not to discuss me or my business with
her.
However, less than a week later, X called me and
stridently informed me that the two of you had indeed been discussing
me. Malicious gossip would be a more fitting description. According to her, you
and she had agreed, in what seemed to be a general impeachment of my character,
about how "selfish" I was, since my friendship with others was only
"conditional". She accused me of caring only about myself, because in her view,
if I cared about others I would care what they thought of me and would be open
to taking their advice. This is a totally absurd concept. Simply because I am
not willing to allow others to coerce me or determine my course of
action, in my own life, and because I care nothing about gaining
approval from others, certainly does not mean I have no concern or caring for
others.
She was evidently insulted because I had
politely explained, on more than one occasion, that I was not in need of --nor
seeking-- advice. I had told you the same thing, and since you had already
apologized once for having presumptuously given unsolicited advice, I though you
at least understood.
But what upset me more than anything was your
betrayal of my trust. I told you a number of sensitive, highly personal things
in confidence, and yet you evidently thought nothing of violating that
confidence with a person I had told you specifically I did not want information
about my business entrusted to.
Much to my regret, I now understand that my
trust was misplaced on more than just one count. As to the idea of "conditional"
friendship, it is obvious you and X are the ones who subscribe to that idea: If
a friend does not agree with you, refuses to become part of the "herd
mentality", the New Age collective consensus, or does not take your unwanted,
unsolicited advice, personal criticism follows and your friendship is summarily
withdrawn. That's as conditional as it gets. It's also another example of
projecting your own values on someone else, for whom they are totally
inappropriate values.
In addition to a tirade about my "selfishness",
X also seemed to feel it was her appointed duty to inform me of --and to blame
me for-- the supposed fact that you had been driven to seek counseling because
of problems caused by your relationship with me. My reply to this was to tell X
that if in fact you had psychological problems which you mistakenly
attributed to your relationship with me, then your problems indeed needed to be
addressed, assuming you wanted to resolve them. I also explained that these
problems --whatever their nature-- were not caused through any fault of mine,
and had nothing to do with me. I did not bother to elaborate, as it was none of
her business what I thought about you or your problems. Although I was polite to
her far in excess of what she deserved, this final example of her obnoxious
pushiness in meddling where she had no right resulted in my immediate decision
to permanently discontinue all communication with her. Presumably she got the
message when I thereafter failed to return her phone
calls.
For some reason, you seemed to be behaving as if
it were your mission to "save" me, as if making decisions about my life were
your responsibility. (As an aside, let me point out the similarity in
the way you treated your brother, though there was never a similarity between
your brother and me, nor between our respective
situations.)
All I ever expected from you was to be a loyal
friend I could trust and confide in. A friend cannot reasonably be expected to
give more than is possible within the limits of what one is comfortably able
--or willing-- to give. I never expected --and certainly did not ask-- for more.
In fact I repeatedly made this clear to you. If I asked you for something you
could not --or would not-- do, I expected that you would truthfully state that
to me, and I certainly would not have been offended, nor would I have blamed
you.
But I do believe that if you had been a true
friend --that if your concern for me had been genuine, and not an attempt to
serve some agenda of your own-- that you would not have been capable of such a
betrayal of trust, let alone the sudden and complete desertion of a friend in
that person's worst time of crisis --no matter what your own problems or
circumstances.
Until the time you decided to abruptly withdraw
your "concern" (such as it was), you seemed compelled to go to the opposite
extreme by aggressively dispensing psychological and spiritual advice, which I
had not asked for, had told you I did not need, and certainly did not agree
with. You have absolutely no background, training or knowledge in these areas,
yet you often made comments in an authoritative manner about these formal
systems of thought (such as Jungian and other forms of psychology, various
religions, spiritual or metaphysical traditions) which only reflected your
ignorance of these very ideologies. Your opinions in these matters were nothing
more than uninformed personal speculation. You're certainly entitled to your
opinions, but to try to push these opinions upon someone else is presumptuous
and intrusive, no matter how well-meaning you may convince yourself are your
intentions.
I can see that you and X have much in common;
she too has a penchant for attempting to push uninformed, unsolicited,
unwelcome, non-professional spiritual and psychological advice upon others. Both
of you seem to share the notion that some "generic human condition" exists; that
all of us have the same motives, the same
experiences; that everyone should aspire to the same
definite models of mental, emotional and spiritual "health." Your many broad,
general and sweeping statements to this effect reminded me of what Carl Jung
once commented upon: that unaware, unindividuated persons either assume all
others are like them, or else believe that all others should
be like them. Be that as it may, both you and X seemed intent upon negating
my individuality. Neither of you showed any respect for me as a person, nor for
my right to think for myself and make my own choices.
Any "help' offered by either one of you was
extended with the concealed proviso (aka the hidden agenda) that your support
was to be had only at the price of allowing myself to be manipulated into
accepting your advice and interference in my affairs. The only difference I
could see between your respective tactics was that X's interference was more
brazen, while much of yours was conducted covertly. Because so much of your
meddling was conducted behind my back it was harder --and took longer-- for me
to confront and neutralize.
You tried to tell me how I should spend money
which you solicited without my permission. You told me I should not
spend any money I received for desperately needed medical care --that I should
spend it instead on rent, since that was what you chose to convey as my most
pressing need to people from whom you solicited the money. What would those
people think when I did not spend the money on rent? you asked. What others
would "think" was never my concern; however, what other people would think of
you was evidently your primary concern, apparently outweighing any
concern about the severity of my material situation --including the constant
pain I was forced to endure for lack of medical care.
When I refused to allow you to tell me how to
spend money --even though you thought your part in soliciting it gave you that
right-- you then tried to lecture me about applying for "welfare". I told you
that it was not an appropriate or viable option for me. I was not obligated to
justify my actions to you, and I didn't owe you an explanation; however, you
persistently interrogated me as to the reasons why I would not consider it. When
interrogation failed to persuade me, you resorted to imposing arguments which I
obviously did not agree with, and had no desire nor need to hear. Once again,
you showed no respect for my ability to know, and my right to choose
what would --and would not-- be appropriate or possible for
me.
Then, you tried to tell me how I should arrange
to repay money (in the form of professional services) [counseling, as a Jungian
analyst and Christian minister, at which time I had a private practice]
--money I did not owe, since it was never borrowed by me, nor loaned
directly to me. I refer to the money you received from XX, which you later gave
to me. You gave me the money saying only that you had borrowed it from
someone you chose not to name and that I could pay it back to you when --and
if-- I were able or chose to do so: nothing more.
According to you, there were no strings
attached. It was not your place to attempt to make agreements behind my back,
brokering deals without my knowledge or consent. Then, to impose an assumed
obligation on me to repay money I would never have agreed --and in fact did not,
at any time, agree-- to borrow from another individual, and had already accepted
on quite different terms from you. Nor did you have the right to barter my
professional services to another person without my consent. Even were such terms
suggested by another party, you should never have even discussed that
without my knowledge or consent.
You borrowed money from a third party --an
unnamed source which you chose not to disclose to me at the time the money was
presented to me-- and therefore you are the one responsible for the debt.
Soliciting and borrowing the money was your choice, not mine. If my
circumstances had not been so very desperate I would have returned the money to
you immediately once I learned of the meddlesome arrangements you were
attempting to make without my knowledge or consent. I do not have the money to
return to you at this time. When I do I will send it back to you directly, since
you were the one from whom I received it.
Yet another presumptuous, intrusive action on
your part (also conducted behind my back) which I have discovered since my last
contact with you, was that you called my analyst, with the intent of
discussing with him, as he explained
to me, your "side" of your relationship with me. He immediately recognized the
inappropriate nature (as well as the manipulative intent) of such an action and
refused to participate in it. I am thankful that he, at least, knows the meaning
of confidentiality and loyalty, whether it involves a friend or a client. This
ill-considered action is yet another example of a completely unwarranted
invasion of my privacy. Such behavior suggests that you seem to think you can
make of my personal life an open book: a cheap tabloid for all and sundry to
peruse and speculate upon.
If you want your personal life to be
under public scrutiny, then join an "encounter group" with like-minded
individuals, like the one X belongs to. But it's wrongful to expect me to
tolerate my private life becoming grist for the mill of "group
therapy" as a result of your misguided attempt to deal with your
own psychological problems.
If a group of neurotic individuals with a "herd
mentality" decide to get together and and shout their individual and/or
collective personal business from the rooftops, that is their prerogative, but I
certainly don't appreciate your lack of discretion in attempting to put
my business in the street, by calling those persons I had asked you not
to contact, behind my back, violating my personal confidences, and
spewing forth erroneous perceptions of me and my life in the process. Such
subterfuge is beyond my capacity to tolerate.
I have never done anything to deserve such
disrespectful treatment. I was not only shocked, but deeply hurt, to learn of
it.
I once heard you describe yourself as an
"ethicist", the meaning of which is a specialist in ethics. Why you felt
entitled to claim this designation, I haven't a clue. Such self-evaluation can
only have been either delusional or contrived. In my considered professional
opinion, based on my observation of your behavior, I think it is likely that you
have a need for others to see you as such a person, due to a problem with your
self-esteem, which you feel may only be elevated by gaining approval from
others; perhaps by being perceived by them as an
"ethicist".
Please note: This is the only such unsolicited
opinion you have received from me. Under the circumstances I feel justified in
giving it. Even speaking solely from my personal experience with you, the way
you have treated me is decidedly unethical, in the broadest possible
sense.
It should be obvious to you by now that I feel
considerable anger about your treatment of me. Certainly such anger is
justified, but your behavior has also caused me emotional pain, since at one
time I trusted you and considered you to be among my closest friends. I have
never violated confidences which you entrusted to me by indiscriminately
relating them to others. I have never betrayed whatever trust --if any-- you may
have had in me. I have not given advice about -- nor even commented on-- your
personal life, your finances or your relationships, unless I was specifically
asked by you to do so. Otherwise, whatever observations I made, or opinions I
held about these things, I kept to myself, out of respect for your privacy, and
your right to make your own choices in your life. I never refused to listen to
your problems or concerns, when you chose to confide them to me. I did not
expect you to adopt my viewpoints, nor did I expect you to justify your actions
to me.
I did not withdraw my friendship just because
you did not understand me, or did not agree with me, for instance, because you
were not an animal rights activist, as I am. Those are my views, and I would not
attempt to impose them on anyone else --including you. The only things I ask
from my friends are loyalty, respect for my rights, and to give
whatever support of me they are able and willing to give --no more. Certainly I
treat them as I would like to be treated, by keeping their confidences and
respecting their right to be who they are, as long as they don't violate my
rights in the process.
The last conversation I had with you, on the
telephone, felt to me like an exercise in futility. You were telling me that you
wished you could "be there" to help me with what I was going through, but you
could not. In explanation of this, you made a comment which I could not easily
forget. Your exact words were: "It's your journey." As if this
so-called "journey" were some sort of mystical initiation or "learning
experience", something I was meant to go through alone. I feel it is imperative
to correct your immense misperception, evidently spawned by incredible
ignorance: What I was going through was not a "journey" in any sense of the word
--not literal, metaphorical, spiritual or otherwise. It was a severe and
life-threatening, existential, material crisis. It was crippling poverty brought
on through no fault of mine, over which I had very little control. It was
extreme physical and emotional stress brought on by the constant desperate
struggle to obtain the most basic necessities to sustain life and the lives of
my beloved cats. It was chronic, painful and debilitating physical illness which
could not be relieved for lack of the proper medical care, proper food,
supplements and medicines.
My emotional distress was not brought about by
anything amiss within my psyche, as you seemed to suggest, but rather by the
total exhaustion and near-despair I felt knowing that I would soon lose my home,
my car, as well as all opportunities for obtaining the money I had worked so
long and so hard to generate; and this was exacerbated by grief over my mother's
death. The one and only thing I "learned" from this miserable experience --quite
incidentally-- was who my friends were, and who they were not. And if I had been
forced to go through the last, and worst part of this horrible ordeal alone,
without the help and sincere support of a few who did care, I might,
some time since, have taken a "journey" off the earth
plane.
Your casual insensitivity in referring to these
dreadful circumstances in my life as a "journey" can only be a reflection of
profound ignorance and/or shallowness. Fully aware of the horrendous
circumstances in my life, but apparently unconcerned, your last conversation
with me was littered with such cliches as "exploring my creativity", as you
phrased it, and other mindless pop psychology and New Age
jargon.
I finally realized that there was nothing
further I could say to you.
And I didn't even realize then that you had
betrayed my trust, violated my confidences, and in the process had seen fit to
unjustly malign my character. Or that you had approached people you had no
ethical right to talk to, about me, or my personal
business.
If I had known, I certainly would have
confronted you with it then. The last thing I heard from you was that you would
call me "next week". That was early in May; it is now late October. My phone was
disconnected on July 1, the day I was evicted from my home. Even if you had any
belated concern at all about me you could have mailed a note to my P.O.
box.
I have said what I needed to say. I would have
done it sooner, but could not find the time. As I explained, I have the need to
be direct in saying what I feel, especially since you are someone I once cared a
great deal about and considered to be a close friend. I expect that the writing
of this letter will dissipate much of the anger I still feel, but despite
that, I have no ill will toward you. The choice to end our friendship was not
initially mine; but in light of your attitudes toward me I would have had no
alternative in any case, once I realized the scope of your betrayal of my
trust.
Barbara Hartwell
October 25, 1994
Barbara Hartwell Percival
Legal Defense & Research Trust
Legal Defense & Research Trust
Barbara
Hartwell Vs. CIA
